I Me Mine

I Me Mine:

Writing and the Ego

Once you start writing, your self-image will never be the same. You might think at first that writing will be a big boost to your ego; you'll be famous and have lots of fans. But long before you get to that point -- if you do, since writing isn't a guaranteed path to fame -- you'll discover that for every published work or glowing review, you'll earn lots of rejections and criticisms. But at the same time, you may also find it possible to "step outside yourself" in ways you never did before. I've been through all three states, and I'm willing to share my experiences with you so you'll be better prepared for how writing will affect your life.

Even if you never publish a story, writing can make you feel more self-confident. Simply finishing a story is an accomplishment, especially if you've worked on it for months or even years. It's definitely something to be proud of. After I finish a story, I go around feeling a sense of elation and relief, and I generally reward myself in some way. But that's just the beginning of the excitement. As you may know, several of my stories have been published in e-zines such as Rational Magic and Rooftop Sessions before I collected them here. It's always a thrill to know that people are reading your work, especially if they send you fan mail. I've saved most of the fan mail I've received. (So if you come across other stories you admire, contact the authors. They'll be very happy to hear from you, especially if they've written a story about something they're passionate about.) I'm still working on my first professional sale, but I have won an Honorable Mention in an international contest. (The contest is run by a Spanish university and isn't too well known over here. It does get covered in Locus, the newspaper for the science fiction field, every year; that's how I found out about it.) As you can imagine, I was overwhelmed when I got the news; I'd actually assumed someone else had won, so it was a very pleasant shock to learn otherwise. But I think when I do make my first sale and hold the published magazine or book in my hand, that will be the best moment of all, like seeing your newborn child for the first time.

If stories are like children, any criticism of them comes across as not just a critique about the story, but about you. That's why writing can at times be more damaging to your self-esteem than helpful. It's especially worse in the beginning, when you're not sure you have any writing talent. It's hard not to take it personally when you go to a writing workshop with something that you think is pretty good, but the other reviewers tell you it still needs a lot of work. If criticism is offered constructively, it's best to put your ego aside and focus on improving the story. Sometimes you'll encounter people who just tell you what they don't like about your story without offering you any decent suggestions for improving it, and sometimes (hopefully rarely) you'll meet someone who deliberately makes nasty comments about your work. In these cases all you can do is realize the other people may have problems affecting their own egos and that you shouldn't let them affect yours. This is harder to do than to say, of course; you may need to "step back" from the situation to gain a different perspective on their comments.

If criticism is hard on your ego, rejection can be crushing. Unfortunately, if you do try to sell your stories to editors or publishers, you will get rejections from them, and you'll probably get a lot of them before you finally make a sale. I have over 30 rejections, including all the ones from agents. Some rejections offer encouragement of the "interesting story but I don't think I can sell it" type; most of the time, they'll be impersonal. I've actually have agents reject me with a sticky note attached to my query letter, which seems unprofessional of them to me. Does this mean you shouldn't try to sell your stories? Absolutely not. If you feel your story is interesting, well-written, and appealing to a certain audience, then you should do your best to make sure it is accessible to that audience. What you need to do is accept ahead of time that every writer gets rejected at some point; even the best-selling authors had their share of rejections before they got their breaks. A sale depends on getting the right story into the right editor's hands at the right time. To do this, you need to do market research. Read several issues of the magazine you want to submit your story to; if you're selling a book, read several novels published by the particular house you want to approach. Find the submission guidelines (they may be in the magazine or on a website; sometimes you have to write the magazine for them) and pay close attention to them. Make a list of several places you think would be good places to submit your work and rank them. Then, when your story is ready, send it out to the top place on your list. You don't want to sell yourself short by submitting it to a secondary market right away, even if you think its chances are better there. Let the editor decide that. Then go on to another story while you wait to hear from the editor. If the editor does reject your story, send it out right away to the next place on your list. Nothing beats the rejection blues better than putting the story back in the mail. And if that doesn't make you feel better, you can console yourself for your courage; it takes strength to keep on writing stories and submitting them after having received several rejections.

If a little praise can go to your head, and a single rejection can have you down in the dumps, how can you keep your ego balanced? By learning to move beyond it, at least part of the time. One of the things I love about writing is that when it's going well, I feel like I have contact with something outside myself. This can make writing feel very spiritual at times. When I'm writing from Paul Harrison's, the Season Lords', or another character's point of view, I move out of my own ego and into theirs, at least while I'm actually writing. This is good for both me and the story.

Another way to keep a proper perspective on writing is to join a group of writers. By sharing experiences, you can learn that rejections aren't something you should take personally. Naturally, when you're in any group, there may be temptation to be jealous of another's success, gloat because you won an award someone else didn't, or do other things that inflate or deflate your ego. But by supporting each other and considering the group's needs, not just your own, you'll be better off in the long run.

Writers need a healthy sense of self-esteem, neither too much or too little. Too much self-esteem can lead you to think your stories are perfect when they're not, ultimately making the quality of your work suffer. Too little self-esteem and you'll never feel confident enough to finish a story, let alone submit it anywhere. Perhaps the best way to keep your writing from hurting your ego is not to let your ego depend on your writing. Find satisfaction in your day job (if you have one), your friends and family, and the rest of your life, and your writing will in turn enrich your entire life.